After about seven months of healing from our son being taken from us, we decided to look deeper into what was going on with me physically that made it impossible for us, thus far, to have a child biologically. We signed up to learn the Creighton Model of Natural Family Planning. We had heard through friends who also had a difficult time conceiving that this was an amazing system with a network of Catholic doctors who might be able to help. We traveled every two weeks to Richmond to the, at that time, closest Creighton Instructor. It was an amazing experience to learn the method and learn more about our bodies. We chose to use the days traveling there as getaway days or date days. We'd stop somewhere and have lunch and just enjoy the car rides together. Our instructor was wonderful and we began to be true believers in this method even though we hadn't even achieved pregnant with it. After a couple of months of charting, we were able to see a Napro Doctor. This system of doctors use Napro Technology. They have the mindset in the fertility world to actually get to the root of the problem of each individual woman and fix it so that she can conceive as naturally as possible. This is the exact opposite of the mindset of most all fertility doctors today.
The closest Napro doctor was in Pennsylvania. So we made the drive to visit Dr. Stegman. Upon an examination and studying my charting and past fertility records from the clinic we first visited a couple of years prior, he came to the conclusion that he did not think that I had polycystic ovaries at all but that I might have endometriosis which would not show up on any ultrasound or anything. It is the type of thing that requires surgery to really find out if I did in fact have it. This was a shock! He was saying that I was completely misdiagnosed prior and that he thought I had endometriosis though I did not seem to show any of the usual symptoms that you hear about. But somehow, I trusted him and I trusted the Creighton Model system and it's 30 years of research behind it and this network of Catholic doctors. So surgery was scheduled...for Dec. 23rd. Merry Christmas to me!
We traveled to Pennsylvania and I had laprascopic surgery. My first surgery ever. I asked Matt beforehand if after the surgery we could order Papa Johns pizza and watch HGTV in the hotel room because I was sure I'd want to rest. Little did I know that I would end up spending the night in the hospital because of my strong and bad reaction to the anesthesia. It was a four hour surgery and was pretty rough on my body. He did, however, find endometriosis! He was able to blast it away with his magical laser. Pretty cool stuff. He also took a first hand look at my ovaries and again confirmed that I was not polycystic. Crazy. I remember coming to after the anesthesia wore off in the operating room and Dr. Stegman was there. He told me briefly what he found and all I could say was, "So was that what was causing us trouble with getting pregnant?" He said, "Quite possibly, any amount of Endometriosis can interfere with conception". I then let out a sigh of relief. Finally. Answers.
We drove home on Christmas Eve and let's just say that I did not make it to Mass that night. Father, forgive me. It was probably the first time in well...forever that I missed Mass and it was when I needed it probably the most. But my amazing husband went to Mass and brought me back Jesus in the Eucharist. He's always bringing me Jesus...in so many ways. I love that man.
On Christmas day, I woke up to the following note from my husband. Best, Christmas Present. Ever. Seriously, this is worth saving and so I did. Here it is, almost a year later and this letter bring tears to my eyes and I am most definitely certain brings glory to God.
My beautiful and cherished Wife,
As I sit here getting last minute gifts together for Christmas tomorrow (what’s new...its my Christmas Eve tradition), I’m watching the live Christmas Eve solemn mass at the Basilica in Washington, D.C. I think its crazy that just today, this very day we drove right through D.C. and very close to the Basilica where mass is being celebrated right now in our nation’s capital. As tired as I am, I can’t help but think what a day its been.
I woke up in a hotel at 6 in the morning in the mountains of Pennsylvania, took our dog out for a walk, drove across a beautiful river stacked with old bridges, picked up my wife at a hospital, drove from Pennsylvania’s capital down toward the eastern seaboard, around Baltimore, through D.C., was blessed to make a stop to see some family in the heart of VA, and ended up back at our house that you’ve made such a peaceful home (by your always tasteful decor, but also your beautiful holy woman’s heart). On top of that, I was able to go to mass with your family and come home in time to tuck you in for the night. Not sure you’re dreaming of sugar plums right now, but I’m praying God is giving you dreams that don’t include hospital beds or drinking apple juice from a straw.
What a day its been. I’ve had a lot of time to think today. Lots of car time and lots of prayer time.
I told you this morning when we walked out the front door of the hospital to our car, that I felt joy on the way to pick you up this morning. But I’m not sure you grasped what I was saying or how I really felt. Or maybe I didn’t express myself well. Or maybe you were drugged up (haha most likely). But Kimberly, I was overjoyed to be driving to my wife, that you were well enough to be released from the hospital, and that on all days, but especially Christmas Eve, I was charging toward my lovely amazing lady to sweep her out of the hospital and take her home. Haha so maybe it didn’t happen like that to you, but in my heart thats how I felt. That I would have run all the way from the hotel if I had to. I would have run to you. I was so glad you were finally given the OK and we were going HOME.
The car ride allowed me much time to contemplate things too. And bottom line, I felt overwhelmingly grateful for you, for our marriage, for the things God has blessed us with. I mean really...just the opportunity to have this surgery, not many people in the world can do this. And to be able to wake up one morning three states away and by night be at home with you. Amazing. And then as tired as I was, to be able to celebrate Christmas Eve mass.
I walked out of church through a mostly empty parking lot after mass tonight with Jesus in my pocket. I couldn’t leave him there, I felt like it was just wrong for some reason, like he needed more respect than a pocket. So I held him in my hands walking toward the car. I felt like I was holding the light of the world in my hands. Like in the spiritual realm, light was streaming out of my hands like rays. And I have the blessing to give this wonderful gift, the gift of life, to you. Again, what an opportunity. How blessed we are.
Now I’m sitting here watching mass up in D.C. and the same Jesus is being offered there. Again, amazing. Right now he’s being broken for everyone in that Basilica. Kimberly, the masses tonight have really made me fall in love with you more than ever. Jesus took on humanity to relate to us, broke his self for us, and gave him self to unite us in flesh. The last couple days, you have given yourself to me in a way that goes beyond words. You’ve undergone a crazy surgery, been put under crazy drugs, endured uncomfortable living situations, and barely slept continuously. Kimberly, you’ve had your own flesh poked and prodded and broken. You’ve bled. For me. You love me and our marriage and future enough to go through that.
Amazing. You have loved me like Christ loved the Church.
Kimberly, you have taught me so much in life. Lifted me up and encouraged me. Always been there by my side. You’ve shown me so much about love. If there was ever a time where I saw the connection between the marriage covenant and Christ’s covenant with his bride, then its now. I can’t believe you would do the things you’ve done in order to show your love for me and your dedication to our marriage. You have put Ephesians 5 on a whole new level. You have loved me like a perfect bride. You have pointed me to Christ because you loved me like Christ. And as different as the circumstances have made this Christmas, one thing is true...no matter what is going on or where we are, Christmas to me is being with you.
I love you deeply Kimberly, I love you more and more with each day and each year and each Christmas, and most especially this one, because you have truly brought Christ to me.
-Matthew
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